Recently I had a major blow up with my family (more posts from my journal later) and my cousins thirteen year old daughter wrote me this after a Im going great. how are you doing? type of greeting.
Her misguided letter to me:
"well ur dating a complete duche u blew off ur WHOLE family for that duche so ur gonna miss grammies bday get abbused and all this other shit and ur telling me this is the best uve ever been? i love u and i want wharts best for u and brian isnt hes the worst guy and i know u can do WAY better than him and u should come back to ur family who actually LOVES AND CARES for u not 1 duche of a boyfriend what u do know is the biggest and most important decision of ur life and make it wisely"
My letter to her:
"WOW. You just totally went and fucking pissed me off. Seriously. wow. ummmm first off. Dont ever call Brian a douch. EVER! and second maybe you should ask if you have your facts right before you jump to conclusions. You seem to be listening to a lot of gossip and believe it. So dont even go there if you dont care to know the truth.
Why would I miss grandmas birthday? Am I not allowed to come now?
and I havent blown off my family. I was hanging out with them all night. My mother is the one who has been ignoring me and giving me the cold sholder. All because shes suddenly realized Im not a child anymore who will do whatever she says to please her.
Have you even met my amazingly romantic handsome fiance? Yes fiance!
Im happy. In love. and Im not going to let anyone, not even my parents or sister tell me who I can love or how I can act. I am my own person with my own wants and needs and my family just cant fill all those needs. I have a man that respects me, supports me, wants to see me grow and succed and hes going to do anything it takes to help me get what I want in life. Now does that sound like a douche to you?
Im going to be 25 here in a few weeks and my mom and sister seem to both think Im 16 and treat me like Im 13. Ive let them push me around and boss me around long enough. Im my own person and Im ready to take responsibility for my own life and become my own person. I seem to just be something bigger than they expected me to become so I no longer fit in that little box they have built for me. I dont care if they are not happy with my decisions. Im not on this earth to make them happy. All my life Ive done just that. molded myself to fit, acted to fit, shut my mouth and just let people walk all over me. Well Im tired of that. I want to be me and I want people to know me. Im tired of sitting in the corner and watching everyone else live happy lives. I want my happy life and Im going to get it not even my family will stand in my way. I really dont give a shit if they do show up to my wedding. I dont care if anyone in my family shows up. If its just me and Brian standing there in Vegas with Elvis as our witness I wont care because Ill have him. The man that fills my heart with joy, the man that fills my life with adventure, the man that makes me passionate about life and all the things I have yet to learn. He makes the best things in me alive and I feel more alive then Ive ever felt and im not loosing that because my sister thinks I can get a guy with a six pack and my mom thinks I can find someone younger. No matter what man I choose I wont make them both happy and who cares if there happy with my marrage. Im the one that should be happy with my man. Theres nobody else in that relationship. JUST ME AND HIM. thats it period.
Now that I went back and read the rest of your note Im even more offended. Did you just tell me to make this decision wisely? wtf? and abused? Who the hell ever said anything about abuse? What kind of abuse did they say? What kind of lies have you been hearing? Do you seriously think Im stupid? Seriously? You think I would be with someone abusive? Can you even see me in that type of relationship? Oooohhh I get it. its because my sister had a crappy abusive relationship I have to have one too now. wtf?
'Come back to a family that loves and cares for you' Obviously they dont love me or they would be happy for me. They would love me even if I told them off. Do you think my father would turn his back on me if I was getting any kind of abuse. I dont see love there. 'Oh your bf treats you like shit, ok well go do your thing, we dont want to have anything to do with you then. Go off and do whatever.' Thats bullshit weekness and stuckup pride is what that is. Not love and most deffinatly not support.
What do you think?
Wait. . and how did I blow off the WHOLE family? Im comfused but that. Do you mean because they 'forgot' to invite me last sunday? (and by forgot I mean intentionally didnt inform me of the trip so I wouldnt rightly so invite myself) Thats it right? You think I blew off my family because my mother couldnt let go off her pride and anger so she decided not to include me or speak to me for weeks. Thats me blowing off my family? I didnt blow anyone off. I got pushed to the side because I would no longer follow orders. Im sorry if me having a backbone offends you.
What evil drama has been spouting from those elder mouths around such young impressionable ears. Im not only offended but appalled. To get your facts straight my dear you must first go straight to the source because no one who was not in the room during the explosion knows first had what started the fire. Except the one person holding the match. So next time you hear about the smoke. Ask questions of the one holding that match instead of faning the flames of some elses heart."
Her REPLY:
"im sorry i said that right after that i regretted it im sorry i just heard that he cussed out ur mom and u guys stormed away and he made u choose between ur family and him im really sorry i shouldn't have said those things :( no u can still come to her bday party(: its just ur one of my favorite cousins and i care about u and i misunderstood it all and i shouldnt be judging someone i dont know i hope u can forgive me(:"
My Reply:
"Oh I wasnt mad 'at' you directly. I was mad about the rumors you were hearing and believeing. I didnt 'cuss out' my mother and he never said a word. Except when he was 'begging and pledding' with them to Listen to me. She wouldnt listen she kept turning everything around and twisting what I said. I got pissed and swore, not directly at her in any hurtful way just in an exastberated 'holy crap this is crazy' kind of way. Brian knows my family doesnt like him. He wanted me to leave him because he knows how important my family is to me. My family is the one making me choose. Trying to control me by controlling who I love. I chose him because hes the one not making me choose. I just want you to understand all you have heard ALL OF IT is lies. Lies that someone is spouting because they are angry the lost control of their child, who by the way has been an 'adult' for 8 years, they of course just notice. Mom said Brian is too smart and makes her feel stupid. He walked into her living room and before he was in the door she was screaming and waving telling him to 'get out' of her house. Said she felt attacked by him being there. I had to get between them so my mom wouldnt hit him. As Im blocking her she and I get in a hand slapping 'thing' (cat fight?) I tried to stay calm just so I could talk to her but at that point her ears were closed because her mouth was open and from then on through the rest of the night nothing was going to get through to her. So she and I have yet to talk because shes stuborn and mad that I wont do as Im told. They have no reason not to like Brian. Hes deathly allergic to cats (also dogs, dust, mold, grass, trees, weeds you name it) and so he cant go to there house. They dont believe me. Ask your mom how serious an epipen is? I carry one in my perse and we keep one in each car, we have a bunch in the house. Why? Because if he has an allergic reaction, he has to shove a giant needle in his leg so he lives through the ten minute drive to the ER. I consider this a 'very' Very Good Reason for not spending alot of time at my parents house. Dont you? and I dont think thats a good reason to dislike him. He is really really smart. If you heard him talk you would understand. I would in fact call him a Genius! I really genius. I often feel like Im living with a scientist/phyciatrist. Ive learned so much from him just listening to him talk. I know why mom felt he was too smart, he uses big words, some that Ive never heard before but its how his brain works and I love that about him. Now does he sound like and evil douch?"
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