I feel no more.

I'm through with life. When will it end? Or am I just waiting for it to begin. I'm tired of not knowing. Tired of not feeling. Tired of not knowing what's around the corner. Tired of being scared. Tired of hurting loved ones. Tired of getting hurt. I need to be challenged. I need to be inspired. I need to discover what it is in this world that I want. I'm sick of this cage, sick of this cocoon, sick of this leash, sick of being chained to the wall in the dark dingy dungeon that I've stuck myself in. I no longer what to live in fear of what people will think or how they will feel. What is this I feel? Why can't I read my own feelings? Why can't I feel with my own heart? Why am I angry for what was done? I couldn't have changed it if I tried. Could I have felt more? Could I have proved myself? What is love? What is life worth? Why do I let my head control my life? Why can't I use my heart to express my feelings? Why can't I feel the joy of my creations or the love in my actions? Why can't I feel the difference from a look of love and a look of lust? Why can't I feel? Why do I not feel? Why am I empty? Why am I different? Why do people love but never feel my loved in return? What is it they are doing to show the love they feel? Why does it have to be so obvious to some but a mystery to others? My life is cluttered. It's messy and confusing. I'm lost and searching. But I won't find what I'm searching for until I do a little cleaning. My heart is so stuffed with thoughts and feelings. My emotions tucked so deeply inside. I've hid them away for so long. I'm not sure how they will weather the storm that’s ahead. So I pray that you take me under down to the depths of the sea. Where nothing can reach me. Where I won’t need the air. So I can hide away and forget what it is to feel. For I guess I never felt anything at all. Because I'm not feeling anything right now. No loneliness. No despair. No guilt. No stress. No pleasure. No not even pain. Here I am. Do what you wish. For I'm giving up the struggle to win.