Maybe then . . .

I wish I could find someone who makes me feel the things men in movies make me feel. I'm that girl in the background, the extra, staring at the star wondering why I cant have what she has. I know what it's like not to have someone. I'm feeling that way right now. I'm always there for everyone else but when I hit rock bottom were do they all go. I do have people who will listen but when I sit down with them, they say talk and my mind goes blank. I do hope that woman in the movie finds what shes searching for but in the mean time I'll be searching for what I don't know. What I don't know is what I want. Life is far to complicated right now. I feel like my mind has ADD. There is so much going on I cant even concentrate. I'm starting to hate life but at the same time I love the challenge. If life could just calm down for a bit so I can search my unorganized brain for my sanity, then, but only then, could it continue on spinning and I might be able to, maybe if I'm lucky, get a grasp on lifes meaning. Maybe then I'll be happy for once. Just maybe.