Thinking Things Through

I think half my problem is that Im in love with being in love, so I fall to fast without really falling for the guy just falling for the feelings I have. Does that make sence? I did in my head, haha.
And when I do fall I find myself thinking is this really what I want and its not, I'm just there because I'm lonely, so I have to walk away. I find myself compairing everything to the one thing that I lost and I dont even know if thats what I really want in the first place. We were so wrong for each other but it felt so right. He really was my true love, my first love. So are personallities clashed when we were together it was like being in heaven. Even though we argued about everything, and our views on the issues and the world couldnt be more opposite we couldnt have been happier.
Its been one of those days, were the snows on the ground so no one comes out of those little holes in the walls. So work was slow, which means I had way too much time to think. I was sent on my lunch and I didnt want to go, because behind the counter there is always something to clean or prepare. But lunch, that entails sitting alone at a small table with coffee or tea in hand staring out the window and thinking. Its amazing how long a half hour feels when you dont want to be there.